Is home where the heart is?

Well, here we are two weeks into 2012. 2012! A date that sounds so incredibly futuristic I am surprised I am not writing this by talking to my computer or travelling to work in an electric self-driving car. Although of course these things are almost possible now.

Anyway, as one of my New Year’s resolutions, I am going to try once again to do a series of regular informal journal-type posts every couple of weeks. This time, not so much about relationships, more just about my life as I try and figure out a new direction. 2012 will be a year of triangulation I think, as I adjust my heading and set course towards a new future, whatever that might be.

It’s been an odd start to the year. My 2012 Canadian work visa, applied for in early November, has not yet been issued by Quebec, and so having returned to the UK for Christmas, I am now unable to return to Canada. I expect it to be processed and to get back to Montreal some time before the end of January, but in the meantime, I have had to build myself a sort of temporary life here in the UK for a few (who knows how many) weeks.

My parents have left on holiday, so I have left Hexham and now have moved into my brother’s flat in Dundee, Scotland. (He recently moved into a new house with his fiancée). My dad kindly lent me his car while he’s away. And after a few technical and logistical challenges I’ve now got myself up & running with remote working, doing the same job I would be doing in Canada, but from an unused meeting room at the Satellite Receiving Station where my brother works. It’s going quite nicely.

And the best thing of all about being here in Dundee, is that my new love works in the same building, and lives nearby. Being able to meet my girlfriend and my brother for lunch and coffee breaks is just great, and spending my evenings and weekends with her is fantastic, just what we needed after a long stretch of long-distance romance which is never easy.

It’s been a little strange to adjust, but I have settled into a routine now. And it’s giving me great perspective. Before Christmas I felt torn between my job, activities & life in Canada, versus my relationship, friends, family and past in the UK. Truth is I moved to Canada embarking on a new life with my now-estranged wife, a life that will now never be. And now that’s gone away, I have been questioning where I want to end up and also the bigger questions about where I want to end up. I am starting to figure out what I want, and plans are forming, which will be revealed as they firm up.

I think one thing I have realised is how little I actually need to be happy. I have one life boxed up in my parents’ attic and another life in an apartment in Canada that I can’t get to. But really, I don’t need any of those things from either life. Stuff doesn’t matter to me. You make do with what you’ve got, and having just a couple of weeks worth of clothes in a bag is surprisingly liberating. Being here in this strange limbo has made me or a brealise what really matters to me. The love of a good woman and the ability to chat and spend time with friends and family are the main things I need. Add to that a laptop and an Internet connection, to satisfy all my learning, entertainment and creative needs and to satisfy my intellectual curiosities and really, I could be happy anywhere.

Where is home? Well it’s wherever I am. What is my life? Me. That’s all. It’s not a place, a city or a building, nor is it defined by what I own. I take my life with me.
Sounds obvious I suppose, but it means something to me.

Well I hope haven’t bored you with my analytical thinking and sweeping statements. I know that 2012 will be a year of change for me.. if 2011 was dealing with the unexpected changes, 2012 will be about trying things out and moving forward purposefully in a new direction.