Thoughts on love and compromise

The Liberation of Separation

Posted by on 12 Apr, 2012 in Relationships | 3 comments

                                  “Find a girl, settle down,
                                   If you want you can marry…

                                  Take your time; think a lot,
                                  Why, think of everything you’ve got.
                                  For you’ll still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.”

                                                                                                 — Cat Stevens, “Father and Son”

One thing they don’t tell you about divorce is that it makes you question everything. Not just your choice of life partner, but life itself.

If love is the certainty that you have found “the one”, and marriage is the public expression of that certainty, then the failure of a marriage calls everything into question. You find yourself wondering how you could have been so wrong, and questioning whether you can ever be certain about anything again.

I have never thought of myself as a man of faith, and certainly never religious. Yet the mental journey I have taken since separation has made me realise my life has been guided by faith. Not the sort of faith that is expressed through prayers, worship and organised religion, but something much simpler – faith as holding an idea in your head and letting it guide you.

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Is home where the heart is?

Posted by on 11 Jan, 2012 in Lifenotes, Relationships | 3 comments

Well, here we are two weeks into 2012. 2012! A date that sounds so incredibly futuristic I am surprised I am not writing this by talking to my computer or travelling to work in an electric self-driving car. Although of course these things are almost possible now.

Anyway, as one of my New Year’s resolutions, I am going to try once again to do a series of regular informal journal-type posts every couple of weeks. This time, not so much about relationships, more just about my life as I try and figure out a new direction. 2012 will be a year of triangulation I think, as I adjust my heading and set course towards a new future, whatever that might be.

It’s been an odd start to the year. My 2012 Canadian work visa, applied for in early November, has not yet been issued by Quebec, and so having returned to the UK for Christmas, I am now unable to return to Canada. I expect it to be processed and to get back to Montreal some time before the end of January, but in the meantime, I have had to build myself a sort of temporary life here in the UK for a few (who knows how many) weeks.

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Separation Journal #3: A new chapter begins

Posted by on 2 Oct, 2011 in Lifenotes, Relationships | 2 comments

This is the third in a series of personal journal entries. If you don’t know me well you may wish to skip this and visit some of the other categories such as Technology & Society, Travel or Canada.

The Beginning, by Magic Madzik on Flickr

As one chapter ends a new one begins, full of possibility.

Well, another month has gone by. And what a month. I never quite hit that two-weekly cycle… but this time there was good reason. Things were happening, relationships were changing, and sometimes life doesn’t fit into convenient two week chunks. This was the month where my life got back on track. So, where to begin?

I think the catalyst for everything that’s happened was my trip to the UK a couple of weeks ago.

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Separation Journal #2: Becalmed

Posted by on 31 Aug, 2011 in Lifenotes, Movie Reviews, Relationships | 4 comments

This is the second in a continuing series of personal journal entries. If you don’t know me well you may wish to skip this and visit some of the other categories such as Technology & Society, Travel or Canada.

Steve Carell as Cal in the movie Crazy Stupid Love

Steve Carell as Cal in the movie Crazy Stupid Love

Well, looks like I didn’t manage to keep to my two-week blogging schedule. I did start something two weeks ago, but it was getting long, and life got busy and I didn’t finish it. Still, here I am now, and four weeks is better than seven. I will try and keep it at two weeks next time.

Lately, people ask me how I’m doing and I say half-jokingly “Fine.. apart from separating from my wife”. But that doesn’t really describe how I feel. If I had to sum up how I’ve felt most of this month, in one word, I would say “calm”.

In my day-to-day life, I am happy.

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Separation Journal #1: Seven Weeks Later

Posted by on 30 Jul, 2011 in Lifenotes, Relationships | 0 comments

A T-shirt I bought this month

A T-shirt I bought this month

Seven weeks since my wife moved out. How can that be true? They say time flies when you’re having fun, but apparently it flies by when you’re going through a major upheaval too. I suppose there are lots of new experiences and feelings to busy the mind.

Anyway, I intended to blog a bit more often than this, so I’m going to start writing something about my life every two weeks (credit to Roo for the idea). These will be interspersed with my other content, so if you don’t know me well you may want to skip these – you can use the categories to drill down.

In some ways a lot has happened since the reboot. In some ways very little…

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Time for a reboot

Posted by on 10 Jun, 2011 in Lifenotes, Relationships | 2 comments

Sometimes, the path reaches a dead end, and you have to turn back…

You know when your computer’s been running for a long time and everything starts to get really sluggish? You can still do all your usual tasks but everything is a real effort, it becomes hard work to do even the simplest of things. It’s like running through treacle.

In these situations, there reaches a point where you have to reboot. You’ll have to spend a fair bit of time getting everything loaded back up and working just the way you like it, but hopefully after that you will be able to return to normal operations, and be effective and productive again as you go about your business.

Well sometimes, that can happen in a marriage too.

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